Here's a dance you should know

Last weekend, I had the privilege to attend a real falutin', hootin', hollerin,' countryside Flemish birthday BBQ. Not firing your gun into the air in celebration? But surely Europeans aren't country the way Southerners are!, you might say. So I thought, too, until the country music started twanging from the speakers and people actually started line dancing to In Zaire by Johnny Wakelin. There was even a song about Indians where at one point enthusiastic revelers clapped their hand over their mouth and made the "woo woo woo!" Indian noise. I was mystified. I was jealous, even. They never taught me these songs in redneck public school. "But this comes from America!" everyone told me - the lyrics had just been changed into Dutch!

Not again, I thought.

Case in point: International Women's Day, which people were shocked I had never heard of because it came from America. As I discovered, Women's Day is celebrated on March 8th and consists of all women workers getting flowers at the office. It's kind of an unofficial second Valentine's Day where men are guilt tripped into buying more stuff for the ladies. Because it's targeted specifically toward women workers, my first impression was that it had socialist or communist roots (which it did). After that it kind of made sense that people from South America, China and Central and Eastern Europe were the ones who had kept celebrating it. But I'm not so surprised it was dropped in the US: "Socialist" is a bad word these days, plus to be politically correct we'd have to have a men's day too. And a transgender day. Oh, the politically correct possibilities are endless.

In the end, of course I was completely wrong about the songs heard at the Flemish hoedown. They were totally American. Just check out the Hucklebuck and I dare you to stay in your chair and not dance along with Norton and Ralph.

How the Saulpaugh girl lost her accent

I feel like a Garcia girl...recently a friend of mine told me that I have "significantly lost my American accent after coming to Belgium." Never mind that I was in Poland for a year before that. Even at work, the Canadians I hear on the phone confuse me with an Austrian girl on our team (she's a far cry from the Governator of California, but still!).

Is it a good thing or bad thing that I now seem to be fluent in "International European English"? It's already become second nature to avoid obscure idioms and slang, mostly out of sheer laziness, but does that have the effect of making me a lazier thinker overall? And as a former coworker once told me, does living as an English speaking expat strip you of your personality until you fluently speak the local language? As someone who will soon make making a living as an in-house writer, I've gotta think about it.

When I first went to Poland, I made myself a list of common mistakes that, no matter how long I stayed abroad, I would not make. This mission has already failed, but nonetheless, here they are, in all their grammar Nazi glory:

1. Saying "Make the picture" instead of "take the picture". Once, I even said I was going to "make the bus tickets" in front of my translator friend. Man that was embarrassing.

2. Forgetting articles such as "the" "and" & "a". This one only happened in Poland, where they don't use articles. Flemish has articles, so they seem to do better with it here.

3. Saying "How it is in English?" instead of "How do you say it in English?" or "What it is in English?"

4. One for Belgium: directly translating the word abonnement to "subscription." If you go to the gym, it's a membership. If it's an event for work or a class, you sign up. If it's a yearly train or bus ticket, it's a pass.

5. Incorrect use of "does": "What he does?" instead of "What does he do?"

6. Answering "fine" to "What's up?" or "Nothing" to "How's it going?". Actually, I was guilty of this one in the US, too... mostly based on being an overall awkward person.

7. Saying prepositions like "on" at the wrong times, like "I was on the party" instead of "at". Prepositions are so hard to learn in a language that's not your own, so I will cut everyone some slack. In other words, please don't ask me the correct ones in French...

8. Saying "kitchen" instead of "cuisine", and other borrowed words. In English, it sounds fancy to say cuisine in terms of type of food. Kitchen is the room in your house.

9. Confusing "funny" and "fun" and "bored" and "boring"

10. Saying "take" a beer or meal instead of "have" a beer. This one is my all time favorite since it suggests that my friends are asking me to go around stealing beer from the tap at pubs.

So, who wants to go take a beer tonight?

No, not from my fridge.

Kamiel Spiessens says that it's easy!

Flemish culture is a tricky beast. Unlike my experience in Poland, it remains mostly hidden to those who don't yet speak Dutch. Case in point: a friend of mine was in a gym, and was invited to a drink. "Do you speak Dutch?" he was asked. Upon giving a negative answer, he was told, "Oh, that's too bad, you can't go out with us then!"

I think it's a symptom of some of the strong regional pride that's been around for most of history in this area. I can't blame them, but still find it frustrating - and most expats I've spoken to agree. I haven't stopped trying, though.

Although I'm completely guilty of spreading myself too thin with languages, never becoming really fluent in any of them, I am still enamored of Dutch, and one boy in particular who speaks it. The other day, he taught me the following song, sung by a comedic farmer character named Kamiel Spiessens. That's him on the left.

Now the fun part: I'll translate the song for you now, to show you how easy it is!

Mijn naam is Kamiel Spiessens My name is Kamiel Spiessens
En ik droom niet van actrices And I don't dream of actresses
Ik hang nooit aan de toog I never hang out at the bar
Ben amateur-archeoloog I'm an amateur archaeologist
De natuur dat is een wonder Nature is a wonder
Met de wespen de gedonder With its wasps of thunder*
In mijnen hoofd is 't goed It's good in my head

Wanneer ik spit en delf en wroet When I dig and dig and dig**

refrain:
Het isj nie moeilijk It isn't hard
Het isj gemakkelijk It's easy!
Het isj nie moeilijk It isn't hard



Elk terrein heeft zijn geheim The terrain has its secret
En dat zit 'm in de grond And it sits in the ground
Als ge staat onder uw voeten If you stand under your feet
Als ge zit onder uw kont If you sit under your ass
Wat erin zit haal ik eruit What lies therein I get it out
Wat ik eruit haal zet ik terug What I get out I put it back
Zo'n tijd snel loopt het zweet Soon after quickly runs the sweat
Helegans van mijnen rug Whole down my back


refrain


Een doos biscuit, een treinticket A box of cookies, a train ticket
Een tijgerslip en een raket A pair of tiger underwear and a rocket
Een vals gebit, een perenpit, een jas van bont A pair of false teeth, a pear pit, a fur coat
't Is niet te doen wat dat ge vindt onder de grond There's no telling what you can find under the ground


Ik ben UV-bestendig en ik word dus nooit niet bruin I am UV resistant and I never get brown
Al graaf ik ganse dagen in mijn grote groene tuin I spend all days in my big green yard
Naar dingen onder 't gras For things under the grass
Onder de grond, onder 't gewas Under the ground, under the sod
Ik ben niet echt begaafd I'm not gifted
Maar wel op zijn minst verslaafd But at the least addicted


refrain


Ze zeggen mij "Kamiel, They say to me, "Kamiel,
Doe niet zo imbeciel. Don't be an imbecile.
Dat is toch genen stiel? Are those steelmakers' genes?

Zeg, vind gij dat nu veel wiel?" Say, do you find that many wheels?*
Dan zeg ik "Luister Bobbie, Then I say, "Listen, Bobbie,
Laat mij gerust, het is een hobbie. Leave me alone, it's a hobby.
Zowaar, ik ben Kamiel Behold, I am Kamiel
En ik spit met hart en ziel." And I dig with heart and soul."

refrain

*note: this makes no sense in Dutch either

** these are different words in Dutch but all are synonyms of dig

Where should I go next?

You know, my gig here in Antwerp is almost up. In fact, I have only three measly months to get my act together! So I'll ask you out in cyberland for a little help: do you think there is any place that fits my needs, as outlined below?

1. After living a stone's throw from Wawel Castle for a year, I think I need to reenact my princess fantasies.

2. Out of the Beatles, my favorite is John Lennon. This is mostly because I love telling one person in particular that I "will never be the Yoko".

3. I have not lost my fascination with impossible languages. Especially Dutch!

4. I like good beer.

Hmm, this might be tough. Any ideas?

Karma...freezes

A few days after I posted that goshdarn tropical picture of my backyard, God decided to have a laugh at my impudence.

That's right. Better put on ski socks with those flip flops, because it snowed in Florida.

By the time I saw it, it was only cold rain, since I was too busy packing to come back to Europe. But see this car, (which is stolen from the WESH Orlando local news website)?

That sure ain't no powdered sugar from a Krispy Kreme donut.

Also, this video accurately describes me when I first saw snow at the age of 19: