aligarh and family life

After being in a homestay for the last week, I can say now I have a much better idea of what (so-called) authentic Indian culture is like. Interestingly, the caste system and constant hierarchies in every aspect of Indian life are what stand out. When a woman, such as my host family's daughter in law, Neha, married the son of the family, Anshuman, she became the lowest on the totem pole of the family, and was always being ordered around by the other family members. Part of it is the female deference to males (women stand up for men when there are not enough seats), and part of it is an age hierarchy (Neha was the youngest member of the household). I'm not sure how much her not being a "real" member of the family played into it. Although she was sweet by nature, her only way of exerting power was through passive-agressive means, since she couldn't defy the authority of anyone else in the family. Servants, however, were fair game for her to order around. It's odd to think that she must look forward to the time when she is the mother-in-law ordering around her son's wife. She struck a particular chord with me because she's my same age (21) and has already finished her MBA but plans to do nothing with it. It's a pretty common thing in India, where degrees for women are procured in order to make them better marriage material (it's one of the first thing listed in personal ads here for both sexes). It's funny to think that at my age, if I had been born in India, I could already be in an arranged marriage with a degree collecting dust. On the other hand, her husband is a really sweet guy, and they seem to like each other. Arranged marriage is one of those things that I feel like no matter how hard I try, I won't be able to understand it completely.

This was sort of the culture shock part of the homestay, but in general I was sad to go. I will miss the food, Anuja's sweetness, and the humorous and frustrating constant introductions to extended family. I won't miss the no-AC power outages or sleeping in a living room and being awakened at 6 am by what seemed to be intentionally loud dishwashing. I still feel like it wasn't the "real" India though: my family kept their life savings in kilo gold bars, for pete's sake! They let me hold one, and it was surprisingly heavy. Time has gone so fast in the past two weeks, it's hard to believe that was almost a week ago! I'm off to Jaipur tomorrow - the riots have ended luckily - and I'll update again from there. I do want to mention though about the monsoon starting yesterday, so don't expect much more whining about the heat. The storm clouds were some of the most ominous I've ever seen (and I've been through hurricanes) - a yellowish brownish color from the dust of the desert. It was one of those rainstorms that everyone goes outside and watches. From now on it'll be raining on and off for the next few months, more humid but much cooler. Til next time...